did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
