i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
