have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
