it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
