Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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