After last night, I could never be a politician.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
