she was so not down for the gang bang
It's just like the Real World with babies
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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