Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
