I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize