now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he puts the penis in happiness.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
