Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Couch. On fire.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
