Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
