So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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