Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
