your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
