I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
