you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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