I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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