I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
