First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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