when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
