Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
