Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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