we have officially lost it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
