420 ftw
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
