haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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