Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize