We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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