Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
