i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
