He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
