why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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