Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just pee around me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dear god my vagina.
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