I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
