last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
