she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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