It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
