dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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