Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
