My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
