these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
