as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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