We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
