The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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