you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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