remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
