he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
