I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize