It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
