I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
