ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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