maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
