Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
