I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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