glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
