Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
