I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
