sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
