$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize