dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize