why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dick very happy bro
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
