So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
