the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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