you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
