I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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