Everything about him screamed your future.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
