my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
