Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My vagina is officially offended.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
