oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
