I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
