Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone get that fucking seahorse.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
