these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize